Sucker Punched

So you have been dreaming for a long time of having a little girl.  Finally, your prayers are answered and you are holding her.  She is so little, so precious and sweet.  So were your boys, and yet she is more so.  Is it just psychological or is it really so - that is a debate for another day.  But let me say that I've noticed that daddy talks to Little Miss differently than the he does the boys.

She is healthy and meeting all her milestones.  And yet you notice that something is not right with one of her eyes.  The pediatrician insists that her eyes are fine.  But you continue to see something is not right. 

So you call the pediatric optomitrist for an evaluation.  At first, he does not see what you are talking about.  But you persist, because you know what you have seen and the doctor finally sees it too.  You are told your little girl needs glasses.  There is relief, and on some level sadness. 

Your girl is always very alert and looking around at everything, but you realize once you get the glasses on her, that she is now DRINKING in all the details she has been missing.  So the slight sadness you have felt is gone, because you now can see for yourself that she is seeing better than before.  Now if you can just get her to keep the darned things on and stop sucking the protective rubber tubes off the cables, like they are speghetti, everything will be great.

But you must return for another visit to the eye doctor for a follow up.  And then another visit a few months later.  It is at this visit that you see the wheels of the doctor's mind turning.  He is trying to decide wheather to leave the prescription as is or change it.  Finally, he decides to increase the perscription. 

Now the new perscription is stronger and you would think it would be solving the problem, but you are noticing the initial problem is more prominent with the new script and worry if the prescription is correct.  A quick consult with the doctor to express your concerns and you are told your Little Miss may be looking at surgery.

The air goes out of the room and there is the roaring in your ears.  You have just been sucker punched.

Now you must fight your way back to ask a few more questions.  Is there nothing more we can do with glasses?  Isn't she too little for something like this?  And all the time you want to scream "NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!"

But it is no use, you need to get out of the exam room and call your husband, to break the news.  You hear him repeating what you just had to go through... no air, roaring in the ears, a million questions, denial.

You tell him that there will be another exam before it is definate and he must be at this appointment to ask questions.  He acknowledges, that yes, he does and will.

Fast forward a couple of months.  The appointment has arrived and it is definate that she will need surgery.  I am at the point of having done a little research and beginning to ask questions, but my husband is there as if this is the first time he has heard this.  He has been sucker punched.  He is of little use in the ask questions department.

For him, it is his little girl.  He seems shocked and unable to get his mind around what he is hearing.  How can this be happening to his little girl? 

I want to scream "Snap out of it!", but I don't.  I ask a few questions that come to mind and feel that although they are answered to satisfaction, I know there are more I should be asking.  Yet I can't seem to think of them.  The doctor has a full schedule and needs to move on, but he wants to see her again in a month. 

Time to think, time to do more research, time to worry over our little girl.  No surgery will be scheduled until after the next appointment.  I am both relieved and anxious.  I want to put this off and yet I want to fix this problem now.  I want to protect her and fight for her.

And as I drive her to and from these appointments, losing sleep over her; I feel a love for this little wonder who is my Little Miss, that is so very deep.  This is love that knows no bounds.  And as I recover from the sucker punch, I know that I would not have it any other way.

I love my Little Miss.

Sweet Treats

Two days ago, I had the pleasure of observing a play date between my fourteen and a half month old daughter and another little girl of nine months. Both had seen each other from their mothers arms on several occasions, but this was a chance to get down and under their own power, explore and interact.

Kiki arrived to play with Little Miss with much anticipated delight. Once she was on the floor, eyes wide and pacifier firmly installed in her mouth, she quietly sat looking to see what would happen. Little Miss walked right over and gave her a pat, followed by a very loving, gentle hug around the head. To all of this, Kiki sat quietly and did not object in the least. Then Little Miss, who has been noticing eyes of late, discovered that Kiki had eyes to point at and poke. Mom gently extracts Little Miss and Kiki continues to sit placidly where she is.

Soon the attention starts to be drawn to the toys. Kiki is interested in these as they are not the same ones she plays with every day. Little Miss picks up a toy and starts her regularly scheduled walk around the house with it. Kiki who is only crawling sees Little Miss high stepping away and begins to follow. Thus goes the morning.

The sweetest moment came just before Kiki had to leave. Both girls are standing at the gate that is erected across the hallway, blocking their access to the stairs. Both girls have a pacifier in their mouths. Kiki's is a large bulb attached to a short cord that clips to her shirt. Little Miss' is a smaller bulb with a little handle. The girls look over the gate, then back at each other and then at their moms. This goes on for a little while. As the moms watch, Little Miss removes her pacifier and offers it to Kiki who taking it, looks at it and then drops it on the floor. More looking, then Little Miss reaches over and takes Kiki's pacifier, which is still in Kiki's mouth. Little Miss looks at the new pacifier, then promptly pops it in her own mouth. Pulling it out, she looks at it to observe how different it is from her own, then pops it back in. Again, Kiki stands there placidly observing all that Little Miss does and there is no protest, no tears.

The moms, laughing at the antics of our sweet little girls, declare the play date a success and plan to do it again real soon.

As I reflect back over the exchange, I smile with delight over the world of discovery that is my Little Miss'.