Sucker Punched

So you have been dreaming for a long time of having a little girl.  Finally, your prayers are answered and you are holding her.  She is so little, so precious and sweet.  So were your boys, and yet she is more so.  Is it just psychological or is it really so - that is a debate for another day.  But let me say that I've noticed that daddy talks to Little Miss differently than the he does the boys.

She is healthy and meeting all her milestones.  And yet you notice that something is not right with one of her eyes.  The pediatrician insists that her eyes are fine.  But you continue to see something is not right. 

So you call the pediatric optomitrist for an evaluation.  At first, he does not see what you are talking about.  But you persist, because you know what you have seen and the doctor finally sees it too.  You are told your little girl needs glasses.  There is relief, and on some level sadness. 

Your girl is always very alert and looking around at everything, but you realize once you get the glasses on her, that she is now DRINKING in all the details she has been missing.  So the slight sadness you have felt is gone, because you now can see for yourself that she is seeing better than before.  Now if you can just get her to keep the darned things on and stop sucking the protective rubber tubes off the cables, like they are speghetti, everything will be great.

But you must return for another visit to the eye doctor for a follow up.  And then another visit a few months later.  It is at this visit that you see the wheels of the doctor's mind turning.  He is trying to decide wheather to leave the prescription as is or change it.  Finally, he decides to increase the perscription. 

Now the new perscription is stronger and you would think it would be solving the problem, but you are noticing the initial problem is more prominent with the new script and worry if the prescription is correct.  A quick consult with the doctor to express your concerns and you are told your Little Miss may be looking at surgery.

The air goes out of the room and there is the roaring in your ears.  You have just been sucker punched.

Now you must fight your way back to ask a few more questions.  Is there nothing more we can do with glasses?  Isn't she too little for something like this?  And all the time you want to scream "NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!"

But it is no use, you need to get out of the exam room and call your husband, to break the news.  You hear him repeating what you just had to go through... no air, roaring in the ears, a million questions, denial.

You tell him that there will be another exam before it is definate and he must be at this appointment to ask questions.  He acknowledges, that yes, he does and will.

Fast forward a couple of months.  The appointment has arrived and it is definate that she will need surgery.  I am at the point of having done a little research and beginning to ask questions, but my husband is there as if this is the first time he has heard this.  He has been sucker punched.  He is of little use in the ask questions department.

For him, it is his little girl.  He seems shocked and unable to get his mind around what he is hearing.  How can this be happening to his little girl? 

I want to scream "Snap out of it!", but I don't.  I ask a few questions that come to mind and feel that although they are answered to satisfaction, I know there are more I should be asking.  Yet I can't seem to think of them.  The doctor has a full schedule and needs to move on, but he wants to see her again in a month. 

Time to think, time to do more research, time to worry over our little girl.  No surgery will be scheduled until after the next appointment.  I am both relieved and anxious.  I want to put this off and yet I want to fix this problem now.  I want to protect her and fight for her.

And as I drive her to and from these appointments, losing sleep over her; I feel a love for this little wonder who is my Little Miss, that is so very deep.  This is love that knows no bounds.  And as I recover from the sucker punch, I know that I would not have it any other way.

I love my Little Miss.