Building...

I attached a photo to my profile today, after much debate about what I should put on display for people to see.  I like the ability to put my thoughts out there, like a diary and yet I want to keep some sense of privacy.  I know some people would have no problem posting a photo of themselves, but to me that is too personal.  Do we not make judgements based on how someone looks?  Why then, if this post is to share ideas, should it matter what a person looks like?  And who's to say that one photo of myself will represent the many sides of my personality on any given day?  And so I chose a photo of a project I completed with my husband...

The photo is of a system of planters we built in our yard.  After years of fighting to keep weeds out of the garden with the many stones collected from around the yard, I decided we must win the war against the weeds.  It just so happened, that at the same time, my husband was working on a printing job for a company that makes these and many other brick/stone products.

Some might say that this is not a task to be under taken by yourself, but rather one that you should bring in the professional landscaper for.  But to me this was an opportunity to work with a different set of artistic tools.  The blocks as my medium and the ground as my canvas.

So how does one do something like this?  Well, if you are me, you plan it all out.  I took the demention of the blocks and began playing with different designs/pattern ideas, while looking at the area I wanted to cover with my design.  I went so far as to create a template of each wall I wanted to build, in a computer program.  This not only let me see what the finished product would look like, but it allowed me to accurately calculate the number of blocks I would need for the project.

The tough part was the digging.  Living in Western Mass and on the side of a hill, like we do, one encounters many a rock when digging.  You end up spending most of your time trying to dig them free from the surrounding earth so you can continue digging.  Then most of them are heavier than the blocks you have purchased to build the raised planters.

Once we cleared the area, we had to make sure our ditches were deep enough for the bottom courses of each wall.  Then the tamping and the leveling begins.  Then the crumbled rock like material that you must lay down, tamp and level.  Finally, you begin to lay the block.

This is a slow but rewarding process.  If your base is not tamped and level, your wall is not going to stand the test of time.  So as you itch to start laying block, you must patiently make sure the preparations are right.  Then with each block, you must align, level, tap, turn the block or grab another that fits better.  And finally the cap stones are set in place and you have only to back fill around your work.

It's been years now since we built those planters, some of the plants have died, others have taken over and alas, there are even some weeds, but the planter still stands solid and strong, just where we intended it to be.

So the photo I have posted in my profile has significance in that life is about building.  Maybe it is building friendships or family or business.  Maybe it is building new beginnings.  All of those need strong foundations, care, patiences and time.  And so I end this post to go and work on all that I am building in my life...

Sucker Punched

So you have been dreaming for a long time of having a little girl.  Finally, your prayers are answered and you are holding her.  She is so little, so precious and sweet.  So were your boys, and yet she is more so.  Is it just psychological or is it really so - that is a debate for another day.  But let me say that I've noticed that daddy talks to Little Miss differently than the he does the boys.

She is healthy and meeting all her milestones.  And yet you notice that something is not right with one of her eyes.  The pediatrician insists that her eyes are fine.  But you continue to see something is not right. 

So you call the pediatric optomitrist for an evaluation.  At first, he does not see what you are talking about.  But you persist, because you know what you have seen and the doctor finally sees it too.  You are told your little girl needs glasses.  There is relief, and on some level sadness. 

Your girl is always very alert and looking around at everything, but you realize once you get the glasses on her, that she is now DRINKING in all the details she has been missing.  So the slight sadness you have felt is gone, because you now can see for yourself that she is seeing better than before.  Now if you can just get her to keep the darned things on and stop sucking the protective rubber tubes off the cables, like they are speghetti, everything will be great.

But you must return for another visit to the eye doctor for a follow up.  And then another visit a few months later.  It is at this visit that you see the wheels of the doctor's mind turning.  He is trying to decide wheather to leave the prescription as is or change it.  Finally, he decides to increase the perscription. 

Now the new perscription is stronger and you would think it would be solving the problem, but you are noticing the initial problem is more prominent with the new script and worry if the prescription is correct.  A quick consult with the doctor to express your concerns and you are told your Little Miss may be looking at surgery.

The air goes out of the room and there is the roaring in your ears.  You have just been sucker punched.

Now you must fight your way back to ask a few more questions.  Is there nothing more we can do with glasses?  Isn't she too little for something like this?  And all the time you want to scream "NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!"

But it is no use, you need to get out of the exam room and call your husband, to break the news.  You hear him repeating what you just had to go through... no air, roaring in the ears, a million questions, denial.

You tell him that there will be another exam before it is definate and he must be at this appointment to ask questions.  He acknowledges, that yes, he does and will.

Fast forward a couple of months.  The appointment has arrived and it is definate that she will need surgery.  I am at the point of having done a little research and beginning to ask questions, but my husband is there as if this is the first time he has heard this.  He has been sucker punched.  He is of little use in the ask questions department.

For him, it is his little girl.  He seems shocked and unable to get his mind around what he is hearing.  How can this be happening to his little girl? 

I want to scream "Snap out of it!", but I don't.  I ask a few questions that come to mind and feel that although they are answered to satisfaction, I know there are more I should be asking.  Yet I can't seem to think of them.  The doctor has a full schedule and needs to move on, but he wants to see her again in a month. 

Time to think, time to do more research, time to worry over our little girl.  No surgery will be scheduled until after the next appointment.  I am both relieved and anxious.  I want to put this off and yet I want to fix this problem now.  I want to protect her and fight for her.

And as I drive her to and from these appointments, losing sleep over her; I feel a love for this little wonder who is my Little Miss, that is so very deep.  This is love that knows no bounds.  And as I recover from the sucker punch, I know that I would not have it any other way.

I love my Little Miss.